You Know You Are Addicted To Coffee If ....

* You grind Your coffee beans in Your mouth.
* You sleep with Your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* The only time You're standing still is during an earthquake.
* You can take a picture of Yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
* You've worn out Your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
* Your eyes stay open when You sneeze.
* You chew on other people's fingernails.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take Your pulse.
* You're so jittery that people use Your hands to blend their margaritas.
* You can type sixty words per minute with Your feet.
* You can jump-start Your car without cables.
* You don't sweat, You percolate.
* You run twenty miles on Your treadmill before You realize it's not plugged in.
* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
* You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
* People get dizzy just watching You.
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You channel surf faster without a remote.
* You have a picture of Your coffee mug on Your coffee mug.
* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* You help Your dog chase its tail.
* You soak Your dentures in coffee overnight.
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
* You ski uphill.
* You get a speeding ticket even when You're parked.
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Disclaimer: I don't know what an "I.V. hookup" is, room for wild speculations left here